Username's Place

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 23:21:40 GMT

I AM THE FUCKING OUTBREAK MONKEY!
Wiggle your worm and make it funky.

Pound your scotch
and check your watch

It's time for Username
to post something inane.

Hey, that rhymes!

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 20:57:00 GMT

Bitter angry tears of regret
dining solitary
at this one man banquet.

Sampled and tossed made to feel like refuse
I lost my love
I lost my muse

Heartbroken and shoes untied
hair disheveled
filled with lies

Promises of things to come
suddenly
my soul undone.

Life stays the same
Nothing changes
I should have been prepared
for these coming stages.

Laying on the bed i wonder
of what I could have done
to garner

The loss of love and what comes with it
tears and pain
I guess befit

The man I am and always will know
The
Broken
discarded
and all
alone.

Sonnet for noone~

Tue, 20 May 2008 03:40:11 GMT

By Boo ~

Do I trip, or stumble or lose my breath.
Sanctified in my mind this happiness.
Traveling together not end at death.
Hand in hand in a dream feel my caress.
Sun and storms will oft intersperse our life.
To be taken up on an ocean deep.
Beset by waves of emotion and strife.
Yet washed away complete by simple sleep.
Time together with you is time replete.
Turn dark to light in a head of turmoil.
Touched through and fully scored deep and complete.
Permeating core nothing to assoil.
Set adrift and left to grow and flower.
You give me your all, fill me with power.

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 22:38:21 GMT

God I suck at updating! I still like cheese. I still don't make layouts.

lala

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 06:43:09 GMT

HELLO LA LA! Been a long time!

Boo ~

Squeaky Gates and a Picket Fence

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 09:15:16 GMT

Squeaky Gates and a Picket Fence ~ By Boo

The day ends and with it comes a smile. The smile that comes with the
knowledge that in time the creak of a well worn hinge will greet your
ears followed by the sound of a key sliding smoothly into a lock. The
door opens silently and you place your things down with a rustle and a
jingle of keys. From nearby you notice the sizzle and smells of dinner.

Walking into the kitchen, cats nestle around your ankles happy to have
you home. You lean over and scratch the kitties behind the ears and the
nuzzle you even harder.

A click and clank grabs your attention. It's the sound of the stove
being turned off a lid being put on a hot pot.

You look up and a man in standing in front of you. His face glowing
from the many years of smiling and joy you have brought him. His hand is
outstretched and he beckons for you.

You step forward and he comes to meet you in embrace. You can feel his
heart beating hard against his chest as yours melds with his. It's been
a decade, but you are used to this because it's the same everyday. He
loves you now like the first day your bodies united at one and the
thousands of times in between.

Without a word he turns slowly and pulls you gently along behind him
and to the bedroom. Taking you in his arms again he lays you softly down
on the bed and envelopes you. Your clothes are long since gone, but the
rapture of the moment has you wondering when they came off.

His love for you is strong and you can feel it. It's palpable.

He loves you and you know it.

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 22:01:54 GMT

BUT A WISH ~

O' ye
hold back the dark
for it creeps in and holds me at bay
saps my will
and scares me
plagues each waking moment
keeps me secluded and wary

For' ye
make the umbra step back
assault the bonds and break them
refresh my reserves
strengthen me
pacify the night
make me feel safe

O' I
hope to do the same for ye
and drive the light home
be behind the smiles that cross your face
be part of your waking thoughts
and bring to you
contentment.

May the day be graced by your presence as I am by the mere thought of
you...

Yours, Boo

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 05:56:55 GMT

So I really hate people who play online games and feel the need to cheat. I made this flash movie here about some fucker who is a blatant user of a program called Macro Quest (used for warping about zones, killing monsters, stealing from other people etc.)

P.S. Unf unf.

That which is Username~

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 02:03:52 GMT

I am Username. I don't make layouts. I am comprised primarily of cheese and sheepskin condoms, with just a touch of bacon. I don't write here much, because I forget a lot. (Cheese and condoms, especially the sheepskin variety are not known for their ability to retain information.) If not for the bacon, I'm reasonably sure I would forget I exist.

One day I will remember to type those random thoughts here on a regular basis. Till then... call me sporadic at best.

My pants are on FIRE!

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 09:54:31 GMT

They smell of smoke and bacon is strong.

Thirty Fiver

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 21:19:04 GMT

A poem to commemerate a very fun 45 min in an mmorpg.

Thirty-Fiver

Laying on the beach one night
flailing my willy out of spite
and pounding sand with all might might
I came upon a thought... not... right...

Why not make a train says me?!
I could probably gather two or three
friends to jump and yell with glee
and join the elite bourgeoisie

So stick in hand I drank a potion
standing right beside the ocean
showing the zone my fierce devotion
rubbin Masis with suntan lotion

You sir you madam come come and couple
with my merry train so supple
please oh please do not uncouple
oh look, now, we are quintuple!

The train she grew to sizes large
twas a free train...with no surcharge
a train containing no-one named Marge
You know who'd like that? Jordy Lafarge

And still it grew and became immense
containing only Huggers I did sense
it GREW~ and I spare no expense
this thing behind me should not condense

Then suddenly not two, not six
coming in from distant sticks
hooking up and did affix
then turn their eyes and were transfix

an explosion of Huggers did appear
HOLY SHIT some heard me cheer
this train was huge oh my oh dear
yet still i stayed and persevere

An explosion of people came to duck
not happened on us with just luck
my pleas of help some were struck
to come and help its size run amok

Golems, monks and Necros too
came to join a frog named Boo
who duties he did not eschew
takin up the roll of fool

When the call for Time did arrive
all those with me did shuck and jive
my train creation come alive
in numbers reaching thirty-five

Boo ~

Scratch~

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 04:50:04 GMT

Scratch~

Dark light streams in through shutters cracked
some presence lurks and breathes
it's breath is foul
its nails long
its teeth are sharp and green

It makes noises when it moves
it's jaws make clicking clacks
huffing wheezing
drooling sneezing
it's nails going scraaaaaaatch.

Across the bed it comes towards you
a huge and gnarly beast tis true
hair so long
with tangles tight
it wants to eat you up...
there's nothing you can do

Pulling the covers really tight
and wishing you had your mummy
it creaps over cross your legs
and reaches for your tummy
opens up its gaping maw and bites down as if to chew

Your heart begins to race,
but before you get the chance
the door to the room
opens up
and a bright light begins to dance

Like magic the beast is gone and in its place
sits your cuddly teddy bear named Boo
looking soft and snuggly
sitting happy, smiling there
and Daddy's at the light switch and he smiling down at you

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 08:01:07 GMT

Key of Night ~ By Boo

The day was coming to an end
Sun setting noisily in the distance
birds adding their addendum to the waning light
with chirping in the key of "Night"
the day gave no resistance

From the door a creak was heard
a symphony with the squeak of the swing
then the patter of soft soled feet
the rustle of the leaves complete
as they went off dancing

Clinking cups of sweetness
drips of cold falling like rain
onto her outstretched arm they ran
minute rivulets of water swam
glinting softly as the days light wane

Taking drink she looked at his face
pursing lips she stare
drinking deeply of his eyes
seeing his truth, no buried lies
glass long forgotten... unaware

Her hand grasps his and pulls
his willingness to follow is blatant
he falls beside her enthralled and tense
entrapped willingly, touch making sense
his amour is strong, yet patient

Embraced fully they sit upon the swing
one being between them just
the light of the day has vanished
the feeling grows not banished
this essence built on trust

Yet still they sit and swing
gently gently tween the trees
inhaling together under the moon
his heart is taken, they swoon
enveloped by the breeze

Kismet

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 07:36:41 GMT

Kismet~

Not something I believed in before...
and question now
and questioned then
and will question later

I feel like I have known the essence of this soul
in another place
in another time
in another world
perhaps...

I sense we knew each other long and well
shared a cab
a dream
a sundae
perhaps...

Could be we brushed shoulders once
on a stair
on a plane
on a bus
perhaps...

I don't know the answer to this question, only what I feel
kindred
happy
relaxed
no perhaps...

~ behold, I smile ~ Boo

Things to do to Fez when hes asleep

Thu, 17 Jul 2003 07:48:02 GMT

1) Eat
2) Oggle his well defined scrotum
3) Rub his genitals while doing #2
4) Hang with Mert while doing #2
5) Play with anything you can get your hands on... like Fez's scrotum
6) Make sculptures with stuff... like Fez's scrotum
7) Make snide remarks about stuff... like Fez's scrotum
8) If called upon to speak, spout the most assinine stuff you can think of.. FEZ HAS A HUGE NUT SACK!!!!
9) Do #3 some more and #8
10) Do #3 to the Mert
11) Write essay on the relative humidity of Fez's scrotum versus that of the Alaskan Field Grousse and have room for bibliography.
12) Get in some boxing speed bag training when his legs hang over the edge of the bed.
13) Spank yourself in the ass and say "Who's yer daddy?" over and over while he lays oblivious to your looming body standing above him legs straddling his limp form.
14) Grab his free pillow and beat him with it till he wakes up
15) Give him his glasses so he can see who it is beating him
16) Lay down next to him and hump his leg madly like some coked up ressus monkey.
17) repeat until he cries
18) Tell him you love him, and that you do it "because" you love him. This has the side affect of making him question why he likes you to begin with.
19) Take your 3 year old daughter and throw her at him while he sleeps.
20) Remind yourself that he REALLY likes when you do that.

LOVE THE FEZ, LOVE HIM TILL HE BLEEDS.. and not in the way that he likes.

Boo

Thu, 10 Jul 2003 07:29:34 GMT

I think I am broken...
I know im lonely...
Am i supposed to be lonely?
I think god hates me...
I like like the ellipsis ... ... ... ... ... ... ... but use it incorrectly
I have no social life and i want one
Im lonely
I know im lonely...
I have tourette...
I think god hates me
Tourette, I do not like...
I like the ellipsis ... ... ... ... ...
I know a person I like...
Im scared to do anything about it
im shy
and I have tourette
I think god hates me
I really am a good person, gentle and kind
Tourette wont let me talk sometimes
I dont like tourette
but i do like the ellipsis... ... ... ... ... ...
I think god hates me
Im kind and loving, considerate, very shy
I have tourette
Im frightened to meet people
people dont generally like other people with tourette
even if they do like the ellipsis like me... ... ... ... ...
I think god hates me
Perhaps I'll get the courage up to ask her out
I only met her once, and tourette wouldnt let me talk to her
im lonely
so lonely god... why do you hate me?

Thu, 10 Jul 2003 07:17:32 GMT

Ooo mmmm
Yea....OH! mmmm
OH!
OH! OH! OH!
humana humana humana
ohhhhhhh yea

unf unf unf unf unf unf unf unf unf unf unf
plop...
unf...
unf...
unf..
u...n...f....................................................................................................unf

Tue, 08 Jul 2003 06:11:09 GMT

WOW... asshats abound
*hands out asshats>
Here is an asshat for you, and an asshat for you
*looks for a special asshat*
Here is YOUR special asshat.
*holds up a stack of extra asshats*
Have you been an asshat?
I have an asshat for you.
*hands out more asshats*
Notice that the asshats are a little big.
This is because you are an asshat, and I trust you to grow into it.
*Reaches out and pulls all the asshat's asshats down over their faces*
HA HA HA, look at the asshats... now you cant see.
*kicks all the asshats in the jimmy*
Oops, one doesnt have a jimmy.
*tapes a jimmy to the jimmyless asshat and proceeds to kick it*
I don't much care for asshats.

Tue, 08 Jul 2003 05:53:23 GMT

Hammer....
Nail....
Head in hand...
Forced to table...
Loooooooong upward drawback...
Fast downward swing...
Hammer hits table...
missing head...
Body attached to head that hand holds wets itself...
I laugh

Tue, 08 Jul 2003 05:41:39 GMT

I.... am a lawn mower.
Pull my rope.
Hear me rev and hold onto my handle
Run my blade across you lawn
Remember to lube my blade so I cut easier
When your done cover me with an old loved blanket
Take me out whenever you need me

The Power of Cheese

Tue, 01 Jul 2003 08:00:27 GMT

Go to store, buy cheese, buy LOTS of cheese, go to vacant lot, build house from cheese, hire electrician, install heatlamps, strip naked, sit in house of cheese and roll naked in the cheese oil puddling on the floor made of cheese, wait till house collpases on you, eat your way out, find old asian woman and rub your naked cheesy goodness on her, watch old woman run in terror.... Behold... The Power of Cheese.

Mon, 18 Nov 2002 09:49:26 GMT

Alas, alas, a las at last I might perhaps would like to lash.
Unto the bed and wed her then to make her mine till end of time.
Yea not to tough, nor I too rough, my love wont rust or bust nor be without trust.
These things I hold to be untold will yet unfold if I am bold, so I am told

Sun, 17 Nov 2002 10:23:54 GMT

Once upon a time i met a man who liked to die
DeinBoo: Liked to die said I? He looked at me and sighed
LitGizmo: that must have been a sad man.
DeinBoo: and promtly fell on his head and cried
DeinBoo: Die says I tis what i do
DeinBoo: The wife the kids, its nothing new
DeinBoo: We like to drive the car real fast .. faster faster pump the gas
DeinBoo: Dive into the tree you see, we die we die now let us be
DeinBoo: Let you be says you, I cannot do
DeinBoo: You will show me how you do
DeinBoo: To take me on a trip with you, no seatbelts on us as we zoooom
DeinBoo: Step in the car says he, and you and I will zoom as three
DeinBoo: Zoom into the tree and die
DeinBoo: zoom zoom zoom says I
DeinBoo: he hit the throttle and he went
DeinBoo: Like an angel heaven sent
DeinBoo: The tree came quickly as we zoomed
DeinBoo: we hit the redwood and went BOOM

Sun, 17 Nov 2002 10:23:02 GMT

Quintessential knowledge of my incandecent shoe, reminds me of the person that I once was when I fluttered bout in blue. The premium you cost me and the experience I knew, erradicated all thought and indulgence of the new. Impervious and stricken with the overzelous slough... I paddled through the white cap wakes to search for somwhere new.

Tue, 20 Aug 2002 11:06:54 GMT

I wake to a nuzzle at my ear, eyes slowly open to a the blurry sight of red led lights, clock comes into focus, 4:20 am, the nuzzle come again... I close my eyes and ignore it, suddenly a sharp pain in my ear, The Mert has bitten me, cannot ignore it anymore. I sit up in bed and fling my legs to the wood floor, it is cold and the shock wakes me. The Mert steps into my lap and hops to hind legs, sitting like some kind of parrot. In The Merts mouth is a slip of paper... its becoming routine to me now. I take the paper, its is slick with Mert spittle... I open the slip and read the two words on it and sigh. I look to The Mert and he winks at me, turns, and walks from the room. I stand and follow knowing it is useless to resist, many painful lessons later I understand this. The Mert awaits me in the planning room as The Mert likes to call it. The Mert stands atop a silver case, it too is slick with The Mert spittle... he drools when he is excited. I take the box and open it. Inside is the same rifle that The Mert had me kill Ed Answer with, gleaming next to the gun is a single 30-30 shell, overloaded plutonium tipped hollow points filled with e-bola, The Merts personally made bullet. Shutting the box and securing the latches I head for the door, I am of course followed by soft padding footsteps. We drive to a Hotel and set up in a room overlooking the local television station and wait... The Mert sits on the sill as is normal and watches. He whips his head toward me and purrs. Its time. The rifle is comfortable in my hands as I bring it to my shoulder, eye down the scope and search for my target... tension builds in me, I cant bring myself to pull the trigger though I am tracking it across the parking lot. I feel a soft nudge at my finger, looking down I see The Mert staring coldly at me, evil in its eyes. There is no fighting it, sight up again and pull the trigger...POW..... Martha Stewart is dead... The Mert and I go to the car and head back to the safe house. I feel sick as I watch The Mert do what can only be described as, laughing, laughing maniacally.